Bryn from Dead Radiance blames herself for being powerless …

Bryn talks about how she feels:

     I’ve seen the glow all my life.
You could say it’s the bane of my existence. I mean, how many kids have psychiatrists at age five? My dad was great though. At least he seemed to understand me. He didn’t behave like he didn’t believe me. My mother, on the other hand – well I’d rather not talk about her right now.
     Besides, I don’t have much luck with people. They either die on me or they leave. People just don’t waste time hanging with the Freak. The stupid name is more appropriate than the kids at North Wood high could ever have known. What would they think if they knew I saw weird golden glows around people? Bet they’d have a field day with that!
     The thing that upsets me the most is that it had to be Joshua that has the glow too. It was okay until I figured it out. Joshua, the best friend I’ve ever had, is going to die.
If it hadn’t been for poor Aimee I’d never have known. When we were told she’d died – it was then I knew that the blinding glow had meant something all along. Something I’d never realised until now.
    Imagine how I feel – that it took the death of a poor girl to let me know my own friend is going to die.
    And he’s going to die sometime soon.
    I can’t do anything about it.
    Risk telling someone what I suspect? You’ve got to be kidding. I’ve spent way too much time under a psychiatrist’s scrutiny. Not going to happen.
    I’ve resigned myself to waiting. Waiting for Joshua to die. I have no idea how it will happen. Just that he doesn’t have much time left. And in the meantime all I can do is keep smiling, keep acting like nothing is wrong. Keep acting like I can’t see the blindingly bright glow around my dearest friend. An achingly beautiful golden aura that hurts so deeply. 
     I am already grieving for him.
     I wish I could change it, prevent it. But I know I don’t have the power.
     Joshua is going to die and there is nothing I can do about it.

The Human reaction of Self-Blame:

So many people – kids and adults- face similar issues on a daily basis. How many times have you found out something shocking, how many times have you been unable to talk about something you discovered or overheard or was confessed to you? Because its embarrassing, or because you shouldn’t know about it, or because its wrong. But it’s a human reaction – to blame oneself. However impractical that is, however impossible that it. We find it easy to blame ourselves, to internalise the problem.
When Dead Radiance opens, Bryn blames herself. She takes the blame for being unable to save Joshua, for being the one to survive the accident. She even blames herself for another girls death. And all because of her ability to see something she can’t talk about. In real life, adults, and doctors, and friends will provide sufficient advice on how to deal with our issues. But whether we take that advice is entirely up to us.

The Power of Strength:

In the end its about strength, inner strength, the strength to stand up for oneself, to stand up and question, to stand up and denounce, to defy the bully, to defy oppression, to say no to persecution, to say yes to empowerment.
Strength. Our greatest asset. And our least used weapon.
DEAD RADIANCE  is Available NOW:
In Kindle format at here and at Amazon UK here
In paperback at here, at Barnes and Noble here, at Bookdepository here
On bookshelves in Whitcoulls stores throughout New Zealand

2 Comments Add yours

  1. beverlydiehl says:

    Tee, Bryn and her story sound intriguing. And I love the cover, a redheaded Valkyrie with red wings and a sword, great visual. Added to my wish list for now.


    1. Tee G Ayer says:

      Thank so much Beverly – I’d love to know what you think when you get a chance to read it 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s